Songs

Several songs remind me of my brother and mom and whenever I hear them, I laugh, I cry and I feel proud that they were such a huge part of my life. I would like to share some of these songs on here for anyone to listen to. I will post the lyrics and then have a link so you can listen to the song if you choose. I miss my mom and brother so much and hope they to will read the blog. Listen to the song and sing the lyrcis. Love you both so much!



This song reminds me of my mom and I swear I listened to it 20 times a day for the first month after her death and just cried my eyes out! The words are very powerful, probaly going to be the song I dance with my sister (in place of my mom) at my wedding in memory of my mom!

Tracy Chapman: The Promise

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.



This song also reminds me of my mom because it reminds me to keep my head up and even on the worst of days, just like my mom, you can always find a reason to smile.

Daniel Powter: Bad Day



Where is the moment we needed the most ?
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away and I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime and I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day, you had a bad day

Well, you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day, oh... Holiday...

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong and I'm not wrong, ahhh...

So where is the passion when you need it the most ?
Oh, you and I, you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, you've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day, you had a bad day

(Oh, yeah, yeaaah, yeah) Had a bad day
(Oh, had a bad day) Had a bad day
(Oh, yeah, yeah, yeeeeah) Had a bad day
(Oh, had a bad day) Had a bad day, had a bad day...




Not sure exactly why this song reminds me of Jon but the first time I heard it, it made me cry and it made me think of all the wonderful memories I have had of Jon and I, especially on the soccer field. Maybe this song is my way of telling him that I love him and I feel bad because I never got to say goodbye and tell him what a huge influence he was in my life... even if he was the younger brother.


Pearl Jam: Just Breathe


Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh...
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh...
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...

Some folks just have one
Others they got none, aw huh...

Stay with me
Let's just breathe

Practiced are my sins
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh...
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

I wonder everyday
As I look upon your face, aw huh...
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh...
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me 'till I die
Meet you on the other side



I played this song for Jon at his funeral as a reminder to all those who loved Jon and will miss him so much. This is and always will be the reminder of how Jon was always there for everyone he knew and will continue to be there for all of us. This is also a great song for my family and friends in general as despite some hard times and with some great people being taken from us way to early, we are all there and stand by each other. This is the one you should click on the title which will bring you to the song and sing to it. Cry if you need to laugh if you feel the need. But sing and feel how refreshed you feel after.
I could also say thank you to all of those who throughout my life, through the good and bad have always stood by my side.

Ben E. King: Stand By Me


When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me



This song is dedicated to two wonderful people who made a huge impact on not just my life, but all of those who had the chance to know them. Jon and Cathy Allen maybe gone but they will never be forgotten. I love you both oh so much and someday I will see you somewhere over the rainbow, have those arms open wide, for this hug I may never let go!


The Iz: Somewhere Over The Rainbow


Ooo oooooo oooooo oooo ooo ooo ooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooo ooo ooo
Ooo ooo ooo

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
And the dreams that you dreamed of,
Once in a lullaby.

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow,
blue birds fly, And the dreams that you dreamed of,
Dreams really do come true.

Someday, I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where trouble melts like lemon drops,
High above the chimney top,
That's where you'll find me.

Oh, somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
And the dreams that you dare to.
Oh why, oh why can't I?

Well, I see trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you.
And I think to myself: What a wonderful world!

Well, I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white,
And the brightness of day.
I like the dark and I think to myself:
What a wonderful world!

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people passing by.
I see friends shaking hands, saying, 'How do you do?'
They're really saying, ' I...I love you!'

I hear babies cry, and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than we'll know.
And I think to myself: What a wonderful world!

Someday, I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where trouble melts like lemon drops,
High above the chimney top,
That's where you'll find me.

Oh, somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
And the dreams that you dare to,
Oh why, oh why can't I?

Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooo ah, ah, ah... eh ah ah, eh ah ah ah ah...

She'll Stand By Me

Song By
The Pretenders

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

Oh I’ll stand by you
I'll stand by you

This song came on yesterday on my ipod while I was mowing my dads lawn. Sure it may not be the typical song a 33 year old guy would have on his music list, but I am not your typical guy. I am very sensitive and emotional, something that I use to try to hide because I was almost ashamed of. As I have grown older and matured I have learned to appreciate everything that I am, even the parts of me that maybe I wasn't very comfortable with before. Take a way any small part of me, the smallest part and I would know longer be Andrew Paul Allen someone who I am proud to say is me!
Anyways back to the song... Stacy had left to go to the Cape to visit a friend that morning and was going to be gone overnight. When the song came on, I began to get a little misty eyed. Now I am sure there were other emotions coming out in the tears, but the more I listened to the lyrics, the more I realized how lucky I was to have Stacy in my life.

Stacy is one of the strongest people I have ever met. She has been such an important positive influence in my life. I know I have put her through a lot yet she has always continued to stand by me. She has been especially strong in helping me with the loss of my brother Jon and the other every day struggles that I encounter. She has a double beauty that very few people in this world have. Her inner beauty matches her physical appearance making her the most beautiful site through my eyes. She takes interest in everything I do and supports me. Visiting me at work when she has time off. Coming to games that I coach and play in. Watching things on tv she wouldn't normally watch, especially the Tar Heels. Stacy is a giving person who will drop anything to help someone else out. She is a true gem that I have been so lucky to find.

I truly believe that Stacy Koscielniack was someone that I was suppose to meet in life, like it was gods plan all along. Maybe my mom had something to do with helping us meet and falling in love? All I can say is that I have never been happier in a relationship. Stacy completes my life in a way that noone else has ever been able to do. I cannot wait for the day when we get married and have kids. She has been so patient in our relationship and never given up on us which is just one of the few ways she proves how much she loves me. True love to me is when you can look into someones eyes and feel the love and passion between the two of you. I love her so much and I know no matter what life brings for either of us, individually or as a team we can make it through. Our love is so strong we don't just love each other... we live for each other.

Four Years

Four years ago tonight I got a phone call that changed my life forever. My sister Alexis was calling and she could barely get the words out through the sobbing tears. My body froze as i received the news my mom had been hit by a car and killed. I had no reaction like this was just a bad joke. Reality still hadn't hit as I made a phone call to my younger brother Jon, he was at work in Newington and was going to meet my sister and I at my dads so we could break the news to him together. The next phone call I had to make was when my emotions caught up with me. My older brother Mike was in Chicago on a business trip and breaking the news to him about mom was when the tears poured down my face. Knowing my brother was miles away and hearing this news alone with no family around killed me. I just wanted to reach through the phone and hug him.

A half hour later Jon, Alexis, my brother in law Steven and I met at the top of my dads driveway. We exchanged hugs and tears then slowly made our way inside the house. I had never felt as much pain for someone as I did at that moment. My dad who was my role model, my hero, a man who was as tough as nails, break down and sob. It was like watching his heart break right in front of me.

My mother Cathy Anne Allen was born in 1950. She grew up in Somersworth NH and graduated from UNH where she met and fell in love with my dad. She loved working with kids and taught in the Dover and Somersworth school systems for over 25 years. She also worked with children in the theater, directing numerous children's plays. She treated and loved each kid as if they were her own. My dad grew up on a dairy farm and one of his favorite memories was when my mom went to the farm one day. She was being chased by one of my uncles through the field and while running full speed she slipped and fell into the cow gutter which was full of manure. My dad panicked and thought she would be upset and probably never want to go to the farm again. Instead my mom stood up and laughed. That was the moment my dad says he knew they were meant to spend their lives together. That's the way my mom was, always happy no matter what the situation, with a smile that could light up any room.

My mom always had a passion for kids. Loving, teaching, making them laugh and most importantly never giving up on them. Her love for kids was the reason she had four of her own. Alexis, Michael, myself and Jonathan. My mom was always my safety, whenever I was sick, scared, or sad as a child, the first place I longed to be was in my mom's arms. I remember when I was young and didn't feel well she would hold me in the rocking chair rocking me back and forth while singing me lullabies. It was the safest place in the world.

When I was five years old I was with my mom at a Care Pharmacy, I asked her several times if I could get some candy and she said no each time. I then took matters into my own hands and stuck a tootsie roll down my sock and made it all the way home before she noticed. She then drove me back to Care Pharmacy where I had to return the candy to the cashier and apoligize. What did she teach me? Right from wrong, do the right thing and when you do make a mistake as we all do at times, make it right.

I feel my moms presence everywhere I look. I see her in the flowers in the garden, I see her in the clouds and stars in the sky. I see her in dad, in Alexis, and Mike and I saw her in Jon. I see her in her grandchildren the generations to become. I see her each and every morning in myself, the person I have become. The love I have for kids and working with them in teaching and coaching. My mom lived a wonderful life even though it was cut short, I know she is up there right now watching over me and my family as proud as ever, bragging about the family she created and how we are not just family but best friends, and that's the way she raised us. I know someday we will be reunited and hopefully thats many years away, but when it does happen, I hope she has that rocking chair ready cause I am climbing up into her arms for a lullaby.

Four years ago I lost my mom in a tragic accident. I do not remember the last time before the accident I saw my mom. I never got to say goodbye, to give her a hug and tell her how much I love her. This accident has changed not just my life and my family's life but many people surrounding my family. Don't take life or people for granted. My mom is gone forever. My niece and nephews have lost their nanna forever. My dad spent 35 years with my mom and I still believe the hardest part for him is never saying goodbye. 35 years with his true love and just like that their gone.

Time has helped heal my wounds but my life has been changed forever. Never again will my mom be present for holidays and birthday parties. Never will I eat one of her home cooked meals. She will never meet Stacy and see us get married someday. If I have kids some day she won't be there to spoil them with the gifts and love. They say everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, but here is what I have learned. Cherish your friends, cherish your family, tell them you care, tell them you love them. My mom may be gone, yet I know throughout the rest of my life she is still right beside me. The pain comes and goes and I am lucky to have so many wonderful memories of my mom. People often ask what I miss most about my mom and the most simplest answer is everything!

More Then A Perfect Game

With two outs in the 9th inning baseball was about to possibly witness something that has never happened before. Jason Donald grounded a ball to the first baseman Miguel Cabrera, Cabrera then threw to Armando Galarraga for what appeared to be the final out as he ran to cover first from the mound. However, first base umpire Jim Joyce ruled the hitter safe. Galarraga was denied a perfect game (which also would have been a record 3 in one season) on what was a blown call. Fans booed, players argued and when it was all said and done Galarraga got the next batter Trevor Crowe out and settled for a complete game one hit shutout.

Now comes the part of sports that has been missing for a long time and this is where I give two people alot of credit. Armando Galarraga did not bitch and moan, he was proud of what he accomplished and he realized that the umpire making the call is human and all humans make mistakes. Just after the game ended first base umpire Jim Joyce asked to speak with Galarraga. He appeared before the pitcher and with tears in his eyes apologized. You could tell that Joyce was heart broken having made the wrong call and ruining a night that should have been a part of baseball history.

Although there will be no perfect game in the record books, I think we all learned a valuable lesson. Jim Joyce admitted he was wrong, and it showed how bad he felt about it. Armando Galarraga, who had history snatched away from him with a blown call, accepted Joyce's apology and was quoted as saying "We all make mistakes and no one is perfect."

For any of you fans out there who are still upset and continue to write threats towards not just Joyce, but also his family who have nothing to do with this, take a second and think... are you perfect? Ever make a mistake at your job or in your everyday life? I think these two guys should be praised for the way they handled this. It shows kids who we should really look up to and why.

Then the story gets better the next day. Galarraga was presented with a 2010 Chevrolet convertible for his near accomplishment the night before. Then Galarraga jogged out to home plate to hand Jim Joyce who was the home plate umpire for the game the Tigers starting lineup; something usually done by the manager. They patted each other on the back and Jim Joyce again had trouble holding back tears. In a time that was tough to show class, these two showed more then I have ever seen before.

Stay Classy New Hampshire!

The Turtle

On August 15th 2009, my younger brother Jon passed away at the young age of 28. He was swimming at Leighs Mill Pond in South Berwick Maine. One of the hardest parts of death is not truly knowing what happened. How did someone with such strength and great swimming skills drown? Jon was in great shape and he had plenty of experience in swimming as he was previously in the Navy. Never being able to say goodbye and get one last big bear hug and the chance to tell him how much I love him has been the hardest part of moving on. Jon and I were not just brothers, we were best friends. He was loved by all and shared his heart of gold with everyone; whether he knew you his entire life or had just met you that day.

So with summer approaching and the warmer weather, some of my favorite memories of Jon are resurfacing in my mind over the past month or so. For 14 years Jon and I played on the same summer league soccer team and even won the championship in 2008. Jon himself was named Most Valuable Player for the championship game.
Jon was a competitor, a great sportsman, and most importantly always had his teammates backs. He was a strong rugged man who when at full speed looked like a tank moving down the field and if you knocked into him you would find yourself on the ground and probably in pain. A week and a half ago we had our first summer league game for the 2010 season. For the start of the game we played a man down and had Jon's jersey out on the field in the right fullback position where he usually played. Right after the kickoff the ball was kicked out of bounds and I subbed in for Jon, grabbed this jersey and brought it to the sidelines where I gave my dad and older brother Mike big hugs.
I ran back onto the field choked up with tears being fought back as best I could. We won the game 6-2 that night and I scored the second goal of the game. At the end of the game, our team met out on the field and spread some of Jon's ashes; a place where he spent much of his time. A lot of other things remind me of Jon as every time I smell a grill going I think of Jon grilling out on the deck, making his famous 1 pound cheeseburgers. Every swimming place reminds me of Jon's rule that you should always have time to pull your car over on a hot day and jump in the water. I cannot explain to anyone how much I miss my brother because it is something I still don't grasp myself, nor do I think I ever will.


So with all these memories going through my mind lately you could say I have had a little bit of a hard time dealing with this. Sometimes the best cure is to let out a good cry, yet I had been struggling to do this as of late. So on Wednesday before work I put in the dvd of Jon skydiving. This dvd was made by the company he skydived with in Lebanon Maine, in fact he did this just a couple of weeks before he passed. The dvd has commentary of Jon before he gets on the plane, while he is on the plane and then great footage of the actual jump and landing. Within the first minute of the dvd the tears poured down. A combination of happy and sad thoughts juggling through my mind. Then it hits hard as at the end of the dvd the quote "Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all" comes up across the screen. The truth to the way Jon lived his life and a quote that I know will carry on with him forever now.

So despite shedding the tears, something still wasn't right. I missed Jon as much as I ever have. I missed hearing his voice and seeing that smile on his face. I wanted to see him so bad, I wanted to hug him and never let go. I wanted him back on the soccer field making his opponents shit their pants as he ran straight at them with that killer look on his face. I wanted to grill up a cheeseburger and have a beer with him. Just anything!!! Anything!! I needed a piece of him to end this little funk I was in. Just some sort of reminder or sign that he was ok and still with me in spirit. Then it happened...Friday after work and tennis was over I headed to my dad's to mow the never ending lawn; something both Jon and I always dreaded. Of course with him being gone this task has become even harder without his help. Now when Jon was growing up he was one of those kids that could catch anything; snakes, frogs, toads, turtles and the like were always common and usually caught in bunches. He even caught a duck and a fawn once. So as I am pulling down the driveway, I see what at first sight looks like a rock. As I get closer I see it is moving a little and thats when I realize it's not a rock, it's a turtle! I get out of the car and walk up to my new found friend and realize that this is very unusual for a random turtle to be in our driveway as the closest water is hundreds of yards away...
Could this be a sign from Jon? I was a little skeptical at first but kept thinking maybe Jon knows how I am feeling and this is his way of saying hi and telling me he is well. I get closer and decide to pick up my new friend and as the turtle begins to pee all over my hand I knew the truth as the tears started. Without a doubt this turtle had Jon's spirit and he was telling me to keep my head up high. Hold onto the memories and someday I will see him again.


Stay Classy New Hampshire!

Yankees Protest!!

Sure the Sox are 4 1/2 games behind the Yankees and sure maybe they have numerous more world championships but even if I wasn't a die hard Red Sox fan the Yankees still suck. Here is the latest proof of why. Tuesday night the Red Sox came back and beat the Yankees 7-6 scoring 4 runs in the 8th and two more in the 9th for the win. But the bigger news was Yankees manager Joe Girardi decided to protest the game because Beckett left in the 5th inning with an apparent injury. So in comes Manny Delcarmen, now in a normal situation when a relief pitcher comes in he gets eight warmup tosses, but due to the injury the relief pitcher gets as many pitches as he needs to warmup as long as the umpire deems neccessary. Of course Girardi lost the protest and the Sox still get the win but I mean cmon, you're really going to protest the game. Did I fail to mention that Beckett is now on the disabled list? Yep must be a fake injury. Reminds me of the ball slapping cheater A-Rod in the 2004 World Series.



Yankees Suck!!!!
That is all for now...
Stay classy New Hampshire!

My First Blog

So here it is my first blog. I don't actually expect many people to read these other than maybe Stacy, but I figured it would be a good chance for me to write about things. So expect some postings about my family and friends including my mom and younger brother Jon who are no longer with us. I also will use it as a chance to talk about my favorite topic... sports. Trust me that could get interesting. As we speak we have the Celtics game on and I think Stacy is going to have a stroke!

As my first topic I would like to talk about the Cleveland Cavaliers star Lebron James. This story reminds me exactly why I hate the media, especially in sports. Supposedly a website claims that Lebron James mom (Gloria) was sleeping with fellow teammate Delonte West.

It is said to be believed that this is why Lebron struggled after game 4 which is when he found out the news. Whats next?! Big Bird sleeping with Mr. Rogers? I whole heartedly believe this story is BS and you have a better chance of convincing me that Ricky Martin isn't gay. Anyways, if I am wrong and this becomes a true story I will gracefully eat my words. Ok enough for now I got a Celtics and RedSox game to watch, although the Sox are looking pretty pathetic.

Goodnight and stay classy New Hampshire!!!